Teach for India to startup : How, why, what?

I write this on one of those nights when sleep eludes. Despite multiple attempts, drifting off to a sound sleep is looking like a far fetched dream tonight.

Lying in the dark waiting for the sleep to take over is not my favorite pass time. But interestingly this acts as a perfect setting for contemplating and finding some answers.

One of the questions that has been asked many a times and definitely demands answer is why did I startup after Teach for India fellowship? To an outsider, this might look like an outcome of severe mood swings but as the person closest to this decision I can put forth my very valid case.

Teach for India is not just about teaching. It's a life transforming experience. And this statement is not an exaggeration at all. There is not just one being whose life is transformed but many because teaching for India is a collective effort.

When I entered my class of 60 students for the first time, I was quite confident as I was armed with a training. Two weeks in the fellowship and you realize that the training just got started. Every single day, every uneventful moment was a steep learning curve. 60 different characters to understand and manage at an age where their character is getting moulded. In hindsight I think it was a huge responsbility. Good thing that the magnitude of this responsibility did not struck me back then otherwise there would have been a lot of baggage to work with, which is never good. In a pretty disguise, this responsibility tagged along and the bliss of the ignorance led to creativity, dreams and reaching for the stars : not alone but with a spaceship full of 60 odd 10 years old.

What my kids achieved in two years indicates that I proved myself to be useful but what they did to me is invaluable. They made me patient, empathetic, team player, leader, teacher, dreamer, believer, achiever and a better human being.

I say this a lot in many of my conversations that my kids equipped me with all the valuable lessons, I needed to learn and all the necessary skills, I needed to have to startup. I never did an MBA, I don't need to and yet management comes naturally. Starting up was the most natural choice.

Inspiring, brainstorming, finding solutions, getting a team together, implementing while being resourceful and creating a dent in the universe is the order of the day.

I didn't give my 2 years to Teach for India, it gave me my 50 years.

A yielding unsettled night

I am back.
Actually I am unable to sleep.

Usually I come back very late from office, drained of all energy, exhausted to the core. I am not able to keep myself away from the bed and as soon as my body touches the coziness of the bed I drift off to a sleep full of dreams ( yes, I am a big time dreamer).

And then there are some days when I come early and happily try to sleep so that I can get up early, fresh as a daisy and all those good things associated with getting up in the morning (which, frankly, I don't agree with). So my reason of sleeping early is to sleep for more hours!

But such nights, without fail, turn out to be a big disaster. I end up tossing on the bed, desperately trying to sleep, silently praying for the silence of the night to engulf me and take me to my beloved land of dreams. AND I fail miserably. I always start talking to myself, sometimes giving speech, sometimes having a conversation, sometimes telling stories and sometimes singing songs. Now it sounds crazy but who isn't crazy? Who can claim confidently that they are perfectly, absolutely normal?

Now these are two extreme ends of spectrum : Blissful sleep and disturbed awakened moments. But what if I want to choose one of them. Which one would you prefer? First one, maybe.

But sometimes it is good to have those tossing on the bed, frustrating, unsettled nights. I'll just talk for myself but these are the nights when I hear my voice again singing songs that I loved as a child. I end up introspecting which is so difficult to do in the noise of Mumbai. I reprimand myself for not doing something which I should, I commend myself for doing something praiseworthy. I get time to think about my work, long lost friends, enemies, places I visited, add stuff to my wish list, revive personal goals, forgive and forget!

I am writing this after spending 3 hours of such a night and did I use the word 'disaster'???  No, no something good always comes out of such nights - today it's this blogpost after 11 months!!! And along with this a resolution to which I may or may not stick but what's the harm in trying to write one post every week.

A night well spent!

Good night!

XOXO...

Courage is a rare but vital commodity

We are all born courageous, yes we are! When humans come out of the womb of the mother they are filled with courage by default. Logic being, they are coming out from the safety of the womb to an utterly cruel world. The invisible injection injecting this courage is unbiased and every child has equal level of courage at the time of being born. This courage remains at the same level till the child is capable of hearing and understanding the stories that people around them tell. And with this ascends the fears. For every child this fear is unique coming from the precautions their family takes to keep them safe and sound. Some may fear dark, coming from the horror stories of venturing into a dark room. Some may fear old men/women, coming from the spine-chilling stories of that person stuffing you in their huge backpack and taking you to the unknown land. Some may fear animals, coming from the scary stories of them biting and you having an incurable disease or even death.

Then arrives the bed time stories, ironically called fairytales, in which without fail there is an evil queen or a witch or a wicked magician who is out there in the world to destroy the good. And slowly as per individual perception, children start developing fear of different things.

The next vital stage of life, school, has its own horrors. From homework, difficult subjects, heartless teachers, bullies to high expectations of parents, all start constructing a pyramid of fear inside people. Our mind starts racing swiftly to keep ourselves safe from these evils of the world and everyone finds their way of living with these fears.

Slowly growing with fears, the fears growing exponentially within us, we land in the real world. Mostly this is the time when people come out of the safety net of family, are out on their own and trying to prove the purpose of our life (Yes, that’s the perception that we all have a purpose). Life becomes a battle with these fears because now they are your environment, all around you in college, office, with friends and even out in the streets.

Sadly, a lot of us give up to these fears and lead a miserable life or just end it. But that is a different topic.

I have dealt with kids and constantly deal with adults. Kids are braver, still ready to fight courageously, indifferent to the consequences. Adults, somehow, have lost all courage. This is not a generalization. 

We are all like 'Courage the cowardly dog'

We all try to put forth a brave face but inside we know that our world is breaking down. A lot of us wish to do so many different things and we blame the shackles of society. We want to raise our voice against widespread injustice but we keep it to ourselves, cajoling our inner being by the statement “we have better things to do”. A lot of us don’t see any meaning in what we are doing and have far forgotten that purpose which was de facto some years back. We fool ourselves into believing that this is the right way. We get lost in the world of Gucci, Louis Vitton and call it success. We get lost in finding ourselves and call it taking the road less taken. And writing this I feel that either way the world and we are hopeless.

The only way to come out of this hopelessness is to be courageous. To follow what your heart says, to stop following the well drafted directions of the society and make rules of our own.  How many of us can really stand in front of the mirror, be honest to ourselves and say I am living my life my way? (Mind you! this takes courage) Self help books do not help, the only person who can help you is YOU. If ever your heart says I wish I could do this, try your best to do so. If ever your heart says I wish I had done that, its never too late fellows.

One mantra that has so far helped me is that I constantly fast forward my life and think that I don’t want to end up as an old lady, rocking on a rocking chair and telling a neighbour I wish I had known this before or I wish I had done that before. I want to be the heroine of my life and not the victim.

Thanks to the people who ensured our safety when we were toddlers, I am on my feet and still toddling. But it’s fine as long as all are toddlers. We were pushed out of the womb so we have to fight and probably find that umbilical cord that injects the courage in us with which we were born.

“A ship is safe in the harbour, but that’s not what ships are for” – William G.T. Shedd

Why should you read? Coz its not just cerebral.

“...reading has as many functions as the human body, and... not all of them are cerebral.” 

I’ve done a lot of thinking on why people say that they don’t have patience for novels. As someone who is always reading something, has read hundreds of books and refuses to go down in her grave before reading a zillion more, I find this statement intimidating, confusing and discomforting. Earlier, I used to abhor people who would use this statement but my two years in Teach for India have made me empathetic and understanding. I am able to put my feet in shoes of others and try to see where are they coming from.

So after a lot of discussions with non readers, observing them, learning about their way of reading (whatever they’ve read) I’ve been able to craft a reason why people say that they don’t have patience for novels.

Life makes sense only in the real world, in our surroundings and in our day to day actions. When people read novels they read it as the story of someone else, written by someone else. They take reading as a hobby or as an extra curricular activity. My understanding is that it should become an integral part of your life for that particular time.

So drawing lessons from the way I enjoy reading - 

1) I get immersed into the book completely. I perceive the story as that of mine. For me it is not reading a book but living a different life, after all, life is just playing the characters in the script written by the almighty. I read in bed because reading is right in the middle of consciousness and dreaming. You can guess the dreams that I see based on what I am reading.

2)  I love authors who take their time in developing a character, explaining it patiently to the readers. This is the reason I am a fan of classics. It takes time to understand the characters, to slowly fall in love with one of them, to start despising one of them, to feel sorry for one of them, to give up on one of them, to get suspicious about one of them, to feel the anguish of one of them. And after knowing each and every character well, I associate myself with one of them.  

3)  For both the above mentioned things to happen, it is also important to realize that you need to forget that an author named XYZ has written this. It is vital to have the feeling that you are reading your own different life, not pre written but happening as it moves on.  I appreciate authors for their penmanship, for the words that they use and for the beauty with which they describe the most banal things of life. But that’s about it.

4) Why is important. Books are not just stories, characters and plots. Books are invaluable lessons for life. Each book is strengthening your beliefs or questioning your strongheld beliefs. Even fictional books, in very subtle and artistic ways, throw intriguing and speculative thoughts at you. The only way to become wiser with each book read is not to note the intelligent quotes from them but to question and let your mind stir. Every book should change something in you. It can make something in you stronger or just break something strong in tiny bits.

5)  Last but not the least, we are all scared of being alone. We are all scared of leading a boring and not so happening life. We are glued to social media peeking into life of others and wondering that why is our life not as exciting as it seems for others. We are all scared of dying with regrets, of things that we wanted to do, of choices that we wanted to make. Books are an antidote for all these fears. One is never alone when in the company of books. Books transport you to a different land, give you a chance to lead a different life. Pick up any book which will take you to those unexplored areas and live the experience. Grow old without regrets because it might be difficult to decide the course of your life but you can decide the kind of book you want to read.

“In books you travel, not just into other worlds but also into your own”

Read as much as you can because there is no better asset than to read and no better experience than to read. Fall in love not once but everyday, be dramatic not once but everyday. And you will realize that your real world will inflict less pain on you because you will always have the fictional world to go into and enjoy every bit of it. Don’t be a third party observer while reading, take part in the events of the book and you never know in the quest of figuring out a fictional story you might figure out yourself, discover your true identity because we all know that in our mind our own image is bizarre.

“Books are the plane, and the train, and the road. They are the destination, and the journey. They are home.” – Anna Quindlen

-     If even 10 people pick up the habit after reading this, my work is rewarded.

-     If you want help in figuring out good books to read follow this link http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/20-books-that-will-change-your-life/

          Written for a greater cause. XOXO J

All we are is contradiction!

I am a person of contradiction. Actually we all are but here I can just speak for myself. 

I call myself an ambivert. Sometimes I can't be happier than being in the company of a group of people. I face no problems in having conversations and usually come out as a social person. But within a fraction of an hour I feel like running away from that group, find a place that I can call my den, just think about whatever I want to think. I struggle in starting a conversation and despite being taken as a social person, 8 out of 10 times I fail to build a long term friendship/relationship.
This confuses me everytime.
There are days when I just grab my purse and leave the house for nowhere. Usually I end up in a crossword, cuddled in a corner with some random, unheard book. Today in one of these "date with myself" visits I was having a pretty successful date. Read a quarter of "Growing up Bin Laden" and had a juice and munchies. Extremely satisfied with my lone trip I was on my way back when coming down the escalator I saw a man in Gloria Jeans, sitting alone, reading a book. 10 tables around him were occupied and none of the occupants were alone, except him. Three floors down, I couldn't help turning my eyes from him. A zillion of thoughts ran through my mind. The one that struck me was "Oh! Poor man. He is sitting alone. Doesn't he have anyone to give him company?" I was shocked to hear my thoughts! I wanted to reprimand Miss Pankhuri Shrivastava's thoughts. But chose to remind her that she was also alone, reading a book and sipping juice. She has been blessed with good friends but she was doing so by choice.
This surprises me everytime
People choose different things. Sometimes their actions mirror your actions but if you are not wearing that dress at that time you prefer to criticize it. And this makes me think we are so complicated. Everything in the world except humans can be defined by a definition but for humans the definition changes for every different person. A far more complex issue is that even for one person the definition changes every minute.
Sometimes I want life to be simple but at other times I love the complexity.
This amuses me eveytime.
In short, life is all about Confusion, Surprises and Amusement.
At peace for now
:)

How blessed 'THEY' are???

I love India. I love every bit of Indianness in me!!!
I love saree, kurta, choodi and bindi. I love colours. I love festivals : crackers of Diwali, euphoria of Holi, dance of Ganesh Mahotsav, smoke emanating from a burnt Ravan, the 'eidi' of Eid and not to forget the grandeur of Indian weddings!
Yes, I love all this despite the fact that I am an environmental activist, I get irritated by noise pollution and abhor the stupendous amount of money splurged during weddings!
If you know me you will find it difficult to accept that I love 'paan' and more than that I love 'paan ki peek' :P
ohh yess!!! I love spitting the red fluid :P
I am amused by the madness of crowd and entertained by the rib-tickling ads pasted all over the local trains in Mumbai  like "Laabh ki 100% gurantee. Kisi bhi prakar ki pareshani jaisi ki prem vivah, manshahi shaadi, pati ki daru, sautan ka dukh, court mamla, dhanprapti, film me safalta atyadi ke liye miliye baba bam bam ji se !!!(vashikaran me maahir)" ROFL!!!
We are a country of crazy people for sure and we have valid reasons for all the above mentioned craziness...
But there are certain things which beat me and after a lot of contemplation I accept defeat.
The thing that made me write this post is "Why do we think that an eunuch is blessed?" Just because they are different from us?? Why don't we budge even a little and give a penny to a blind beggar but we hurriedly, without fail shower all the change in the purse on a begging eunuch!!!
They are not blind, they are not handicapped, they are not demented. In my opinion they are well capable of working and earning atleast as daily labourer. I don't blame them because they are a largely ignored community. Their rights to work and live a normal life have been violated with impunity. They are spread all over the country but there population is uncertain as there is no provision for this gender in the census form because they neither belong to the male nor the female one.
They've always been projected as a dark and sinister group of people, to be avoided at all costs. There is hardly any empathy and humanity while giving alms to them.They are a close-knit community who appear to care little for social acceptance but looking at some of them going around begging in the local train I wonder "Do they not get hurt when people make fun of them or laugh at them because God made them the way they are? Do they not wish to participate in elections, be members of parliament, be a part of other decision making bodies of the country? Do they not desire to express themselves on various platforms? Will they not love to be educated, develop themselves and live the way other communities live in our society?"
If we think they are blessed then are they not blessed enough to deserve these common rights???

ROSE AND PANKHURI

I saw a very rosy dream

Not about you not about me

But a dream in which a rose tells me

 “you are a rose, I believe, please justify your rosy name for me?”

Sitting in a room with roses all around

Red, pink, yellow and white

I think how to justify the name 

How to win this rosy little game?

“Let’s write a poem full of roses,

A poem where each sentence smells of roses.”

The red rose raised a brow,

And I started the rosy little work…

What a rosy fragrance is in a rose since its very birth
Undoubtedly it is one of the most beautiful flowers on Earth
Thinking more the realization dawned that a rose is a rose is a rose

What more could I have said about a rose?

A red rose symbolizes passion and love

A white rose soothes with the peace of dove

A yellow love whispers friendship and concern

But a black rose is unlikely to return!

Reading my rosy little poem

I find a rosy way to beat boredom!

Then I see in my dream the poem reaching the press

And Miss Pankhuri bowing down gracefully, with her cheeks full of rosiness!

The child in me!!!

Some think I am cute
Some find me sweet
Some say I am kind
But I confess, I don't know myself...

Of all I know and what I feel
Is that there is a child in me

A child who likes to play all day
A child who wants to make your day
A child who likes to fly kites
A child who loves to run after butterflies

Of all I know and what I feel
Is that there is a child in me

A child who loves to sing to you
A child who loves to dance infront of you
A child who wants to be a part of your happiness
A child who wants to rip away your sadness

Of all I know and what I feel
Is that there is a child in me

A child who dreams all day long
A child who prays to Almighty God
A child who wants to shine like a star
A child who wants to be like sunshine

Of all I know and what I feel
Is that there is a child in me

A child who loves to look at sky for hours
A child who loves to make mud castles
A child who loves to stare at sparrows
A child who loves to play with doves on the window sill

Of all I know and what I feel
Is that there is a child in me

A child who wants to learn all alphabets again
A for apple B for ball C for cat and D for doll
A child who loves the green of the grass
A child who loves the smell of the wet land

Of all I know and what I feel
Is that there is a child in me

A child who wonders and wonders and wonders a lot
A child who observes how the eyes blink when you speak
A child who probably knows nothing at all
Except that life is much more beautiful than what we think

Of all I know and what I feel
Is that there is REALLY a child in me!!!

Teach for India calls...

My cousin tells me to fill a form....
I fill it...
It was an interesting form. It was like writing my autobiography. I had fun filling my details but it was not 'all play and no work'. There was work and the work was, in one word, TEDIOUS!!!
I had to write few essays - essays on educational inequity, one biggest thing I've accomplished, how did I accomplish it, what obstacles did I face, why do I want to join this organization etc etc...
I wrote the two of them and could not save it :( I wrote them again and somehow the computer stopped working. Obviously, the essays were not saved. Then I thought I'll write them afterwards.
My cousin decided to tie the knot on 26th January and we decided to attend the ceremony and leave on 23rd January for Bangalore. Note :- 23rd January was the last date to submit the filled form.
We got busy with planning, packing, persuading my bua and fufaji to accompany us to Bangalore and a few more trivial things. In short I did not get time to write the essays and submit the form.
Now we move to 23rd evening when I am reminded by my cousin to fill the form and I sit down at 10 pm to write the essays and submit it before the stroke of midnight. Thankfully, I am able to submit it before 12.
Off to Bangalore.
A very nice wedding and we enjoyed a lot.
Back from Bangalore.
One fine day, I get an email in my inbox. The mail goes like this :

Dear Applicant,

Congratulations! It is with pleasure that I invite you to participate in an in-person Assessment Centre with Teach For India.  We look forward to this opportunity to learn more about you and your interest in our program. .........

My cousin had also filled the form and she also got shortlisted for the day long assessment to become a fellow of Teach for India. Before I share with you the very different experience of the assessment, I would like  to tell you about Teach for India.

Teach for India is a nationwide movement of outstanding college graduates and young professionals who will commit two years to teach full-time in under resourced schools and who will become lifelong leaders working from within various sectors toward the pursuit of equity in education. For more details visit : http://www.teachforindia.org

Coming to my personal experience. We (I and my cousin) reached at 7:45am. There were few people so we had breakfast which we had carried with us. The assessment began after sometime. We were divided into groups and there was a group incharge for each group. Our group incharge was Kayt Norris from Quincy, Illionis. She is the program manager in Pune. I liked her instantly. She was very dynamic, gave very cute expressions and I liked her style. 

It started with introduction and after the introduction we had to tell one thing which we'll carry if we are going to a deserted island. Some people said food packets, some said mineral water, some said a flint!!!! and some said CELL PHONE!!!!! LOL!!!! I said I'll catch hold of my best friend and take her with me :P 

There were people from different backgrounds. Some were studying, some were working and some were jobless. It was fun to know people other than engineers :)

Then began the written round. Moderate questions related to the data that teachers handle were asked. This was Data interpretation but very different to what I used to do when I was preparing for CAT. The next round was GD and I must say an actual GD is very different from a mock GD. Even if you are a speaker, even if you have a loud voice, even if you know what should you say it is next to impossible to speak in a GD where people of almost same IQ level are sitting together. It was a fish market but somehow i managed to speak a sentence or so :P

After this began the most interesting part of the assessment. All the candidates were told to come prepared with a five minute teaching session. Any topic from grade 1 to grade 5 had to be chosen and had to be taught to fellow candidates like they were real students. I chose adjectives. Choosing English was obvious because it is my favourite subject and choosing adjectives was wise because a class of adjectives can be very interesting.    To make my class an interactive one I got coloured print outs of fat and thin man, tall and short man, clean and dirty pig, empty and full glass. I showed them to the class and used visual power to make my students understand the words well. It was a success (atleast among adult children :P). 

After all these rounds candidates had to be shortlisted for final interview. I was shortlisted :D :D but unfortunately two people from our group of 8 were not. Before the interview, there was a role play round where the interviewer plays the part of the principal of the school and I play the part of a teacher. The situation given to me was that I am teaching 3rd grade and the other 3rd standard teacher is transferred. I am told to take her class in addition to my own ( a total of 90 students) but the situation will be resolved soon. After 3 weeks, a new teacher has not come, and I am still teaching 90 students. I feel that I am not able to provide instruction to all students. as all my efforts go into ensuring good behaviour. My aim was to convince the principal to hire another 3rd standard teacher immediately. Now this was very interesting. It was very spontaneous, convincing, intelligent and it should not display that I am unable to control the class. Kayt was very difficult to convince but fianlly after a 5 minute discussion I was able to wonderfully convince her. :)

Then the interview began and speaking only about yourself for 45 minutes is a task. But I spoke a lot (surprisingly). I enjoyed telling her about myself (deeply). I forgot all that I had thought I would say and would not say (unknowingly). So I just told her who Pankhuri Shrivastava is and enjoyed it remarkably :D

One week after I get another email in my inbox. The mail goes like this :

Dear Prospective 2011 Teach For India Fellow,

It is our great pleasure to offer you admission to the 2011 Teach For India Fellowship. We are inspired by your past achievements, drive, and commitment to educational equity, and believe that you are ready for the challenge of teaching and leading for two years in an under-resourced school.

Congratulations on your acceptance into this selective Fellowship, offered to less than 10% of our applicants—an acceptance rate that is at par with leading institutions like Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government, The Wharton School of Business and INSEAD.  This makes you one of the top leaders in the quest for educational equity for the nation.

Current Teach for India Fellows studied at the most prestigious colleges in India, such as IIT-Kanpur, St. Xavier’s College, Mumbai, Shri Ram College of Commerce, New Delhi and National Law School, Bangalore, and worked for the most sought-after corporations in the world, such as Bajaj Industries, Ernst & Young, and Goldman Sachs.  You comprise a diverse group of men and women, professionals and students. Despite being from a variety of educational and professional backgrounds, you are bound together by your unwavering dedication to solve India’s educational crisis, one child and one classroom at a time.

Leading companies such as Tata Power and ICICI Prudential have demonstrated their tremendous support for Teach For India by offering their employees a 2-year sabbatical to join our program.  In addition, companies such as Goldman Sachs, Bain Capital, and McKinsey recruit our Fellows for full-time jobs after their time in the Fellowship.

I am very happy I must say. I am glad to have been selected. My cousin also got into it :D It was a nice experience where I met some very interesting people and I hope the fellowship will be a wonderful chapter in my very capricious life. 

.

Temple at a glance

What humbugs we are, who pretend to live for Beauty, and never see the Dawn!  ~Logan Pearsall Smith

I acknowledged this quote just recently, very subtly on a trip to Tirumala (Tirupati).
Sitting at a restaurant, waiting for dinner to be served, we googled Tirupati. The demigod informed us that Tirupati is a huge pilgrimage city, abode of Lord Venkateshwara and attracts millions of devotees every year. Its the country's richest temple (temples are also rich and poor!!!!) and the collection on 1st January alone was 3.80 crores (no comments)!!!!!
But you can access this information online. I'll tell you what you'll not read anywhere. 
Early morning when sun is still sleeping, we get up, take bath and leave for Tirumala hills. Its a collection of seven hills and on the top of the highest hill is the sacred shrine. The 30 minutes drive up the hill offers a panoramic view. The unending expanse of lush green valley, the pristine scenes and beautiful rest places for people to bask in the beauty. But no car stops here as all are in a hurry to reach before the queue for darshan becomes longer. We reached the top and its not just a temple on the hill top its a well planned town where everything is FREE!!!! Yes, free accommodation, free food, free toilets, even free buses. Tirumala resembles The Mall Road of Shimla a lot with an exception that never in the history of Shimla will so many people be present together on The Mall Road. Yes, the people came in buses, taxis, private cars and even on foot. They came like waves in an ocean, they came like angry bees from an upset beehive, they came like soldiers trying to seize a city from the enemy during war. 
I was amused and very soon saddened. The multitude had come for a trip- a religious one but a trip. They had travelled miles from home, had taken leave from work, packed bags and come for a trip. But hardly anyone on reaching Tirumala saw the sheer beauty of the place. No one saw the morning sun peeking between the green hills, no one saw the birds calling each other. No one seemed to smell the scent, no one seemed to inhale the fresh, cool air. No one saw how clean the roads were, no one saw how peaceful and serene Tirumala was. No one saw the nature's extravaganza touching the sky, no one. All were in a hurry to reach the queue and quench their thirst for the divine darshan. I agree that the town owes its existence to the temple and an ardent devotee is preoccupied with the idol darshan. But there is a small question that refuses to leave my mind unanswered-How can someone overlook the beautiful and breath taking creation of the Almighty for a man-made temple???  
Tirupati is a place where a man has to forget his comforts, his peace of mind and run like a mad man, suffer like a poor fellow. I saw police beating people to get into the line, I saw police insulting old men who couldn't walk fast, I saw pickpockets taking advantage of the queue and I saw corrupt people taking advantage of the few facilities given to the old and handicapped.
I was spared by all this, thanks to my father but I wonder those who come to Tirupati with their hearts full of religious fanaticism, ready to stand in a queue for hours, to be abused by other men, do they lock their self respect at their places and then arrive here???
There's one more thing which disturbed me a lot. God is perhaps the only object which is at the disposal of every person despite his rank, reputation, power or money. The shrine is acclaimed as the holiest of the celebrated 108 Tirupatis. The place where Lord himself came down to settle in Kali Yuga differentiates people on the basis of money!!! Yes, if you can spend more then you can have a better darshan. A person stands in a queue for 4-5 hours without any refreshment, not even water and finally when he enters the glittering room made of gold, he is pushed by petty policemen and forget a look, he is not even allowed a glance . A devotee who has spend money, stood in line for hours does not deserve to be treated like this. If he cannot be respected then he should also not be disrespected by policemen who themselves are morally degraded.  
Behind this expensive room of gold is another room where fat pandits sit and count lakhs and lakhs of rupees and a devotee dishevelled by ill-treatment watches them playing with the moolah!!!!
I have no hard feelings against the pandits or the devotees or the temple administration. I do not mean to disrespect the feelings of people. I am not an atheist and I do not appreciate blasphemy against God or traditions. But I am extremely anguished to see that the system is not correct. 
You pay to watch a movie, a dolphin show, a circus but you are not meant to pay to see your God. If you are a respectable person in your society then you do not deserve to be treated like a beggar when you wish to see your God. Temples are meant to give you peace of mind, relieve you of all worries, make you a better person by retrospection and introspection. They are not there to take away some peace that you have. I have always felt that the vibes are so positive in a temple that they have the power to transform thoughts, feelings and emotions. I just wish that this potential is not stolen by the disguised pickpockets present at the administrative corridors of temple. 

FIGHT WITH LUCK

I have found a very strong quality inside me.

I can laugh off at my troubles and still worry about them.

I got the biggest shock of my life recently. Something which I'd never expected. Something with a potential to shatter me.

It still hurts so bad.

But i've come to terms with it. It was a chapter in my life. This is again a big incident that has occurred with me. This has made my life spicy for others. If I write a novel with my life as a reference, it will compel the reader to turn the pages of the book and not put it down until its over.

But even after all this it hurts. God's games are not at all pleasant this time. My mom says "where were you when luck was being distributed?" I said "I don't know". But seriously I wonder where was I??????

I don't mind a lot if luck is not with me but I humbly kneel down and request with my hands clasped "Dear luck, if you don't like me then don't be with me but please don't conspire against me."

But the darling luck refuses to listen so now I warn you "LUCK, BEWARE. IF YOU DO NOT MEND YOUR WAYS, PEOPLE WILL GRADUALLY STOP BELIEVING IN YOU AND DEPEND MORE ON YOUR RIVAL --- HARD WORK AND NOTE MY WORDS 'SOMEDAY YOU'LL HAVE NO INFLUENCE ON HARD WORK."

These are your hands inside the box, darling luck!!!!

HIS GAMES

Finally, I am back to the blogging world and this time I make a tiny promise to myself that I will try to be active here.

So, a lot a lot a lot of things happened since 18th March (my last post). I turned 2. The day before my birthday happens to be the birthday of our dear Mother India. That day coming back from my aunt's place, I saw a towering building, decorated beautifully on the eve of independence with expensive lights and just in front of that building was a small boy, holding 5-6 Indian flags to sell, siting with tears in his eyes.
I do not know why he was crying but I know the reason is genuine and really painful. In a life where he probably doesn't go to bed with a full stomach, a life where he has never seen a hope of better living conditions, a life where he has been abused by others, a life where he is probably beaten everyday by a frustrated mother or a drunken father (if he is a little privileged to not be an orphan),  for him tears are not such a bad thing. But yeah it moved me and the curious Pankhuri inside me yearned to know the reason specifically.

Well, I couldn't but I thought of spreading some happiness among these poor children. My cousin and I contributed some money, bought biscuits and toffees and went to various slums in the city and gave them a small independence day gift.

It was good and gratifying but the question is - Is a one day kindness act by two girls sufficient????
The problem is colossal!!!
No matter what I am doing now and what have I achieved, I have a quality that I dream big. Yes people, my dreams are very big.
I really want to do something for these people so that their life takes a 180 degree turn. This thing is not just to write but what I feel actually from the insides.
I do not know what, how, when, where of my dreams but if God helps I want to do this.

Anyways, so I celebrated my birthday then exams came so suddenly and in such large number that it felt as if Tsunami has struck.

The exams were not as expected and not at all satisfactory. I think if I concentrate only on my short term problems then this is the NUMBER 1!!!!

I know it sounds lame and people would not want to believe me but the luck suddenly went against me.
Here, suddenly, I remember the day when we won the laptops. How in that quiz I suddenly knew the last, winning answer which was from the area about which we had 'equal to nothing' information -- sports and how on the day of my FMS exam I didn't attempt my strongest section -- English!!!!
This makes me wonder how small and powerless are we??? We are puppets in his hands and he is such a wonderful gamer.

Every plan failed, every decision had to be changed and straight from the top of the mountain I fell in a deep pit.

The future is so bleak that even a  torch's light cannot illuminate it sufficiently. But still I am positive, I don't know about what, but I am. I think I know it's just his another game. I kind of get this feeling that this has become his favourite game.

But, O my dear God, I want to tell you something " YOU WANT TO PLAY, PLAY. I DON'T CARE NOW. THERE WILL BE A DAY WHEN YOU'LL GET BORED OF THIS SEGMENT OF PEOPLE AND MOVE ON TO ANOTHER PEOPLE"

 Hey!!! Just now, while writing this, I understood the concept behind astrological science. Bad phase like sathe sati shani etc is when God is playing games with you and your life. Good phase is when God is tired of you and finds new people and lives to play with. YES!!! IT FITS PERFECTLY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAYA :)

*You're my Honeybunch, Sugarplum

Pumpy-umpy-umpkin, You're my Sweetie Pie

You're my Cuppycake, Gumdrop

Snoogums-Boogums, You're the Apple of my Eye

And I love you so and I want you to know

That I'll always be right here

And I love to sing sweet songs to you

Because you are so dear*

It's the birthday of our THE JAYA and I wish her a very very very very happy birthday. Today, I have a lot of things to tell but lots of other things stop me from scribbling. 

But just to scribble something, I would like to say...ummmm...

Dear Jaya you are a great human being, very sweet and charming :) And i am proud to have a friend like you :) All the jokes that we have cracked and all the time we have spent together is special and pokes me with laughter because usually all the episodes regarding you are funnyyyyyy. :P Since its your 21st birthday (though I am still not able to understand why is it so special for you that you repeat it so often) I believe you'll do wonders this year.

I'm short of words right now (coz of the huge celebration we had, I'm tired...phew!!!) Will keep telling you about you whenever required till then enjoy and God bless you :)

Best wishes :)

Pankhuri :)

ONE MORE THING 

HAPPY B'DAY TO YOU

HAPPY B'DAY TO YOU

LA LA LA LA LA...

:)

Life is the sum of all your choices

Its a long time since I've written anything. Its not that I didn't find anything worth writing, there were thousands of things which I wanted to jot down but a lot of things kept me away from writing. There's a famous saying "one can always take out time for something which he/she loves to do". So what should I infer from this, that I am not passionate about writing?
There is a question which is incessant in my mind always : Another famous saying "make your interest/hobbies/passion your profession". So the question is what should a person do if he/she has varied interests? If he/she has proved his/her worth in different fields? In such a case how to select one particular interest as your profession?
I (who is supposed to be a very sensible and mature girl) is in this dilemma since past 4-5 years.

My blog (if u have read it well) must have informed you that I have varied interests, I have participated in legions of competitions and events, not particularly of one field but of a wide variety. The certificates I have are a conglomeration of different denominations.
Please do not consider it as bragging but I have proved myself to be an admirable orator, a praiseworthy writer, a sterling singer, a commendable dancer, an adroit leader, have acumen and if I work a little hard then I have also produced impressive academic results.

From the time I started watching We the People, a show on NDTV 24*7, I became a fan of eminent journalist Barkha Dutt. It was titillating to watch her lead the live audience in grilling politicians and newsmakers about a topic of current interest. Be it the terror in the sub-continent, or be it the election battle in the political corridors of power, be it the effect of reality TV on society or be it politics in the age of TV...the debate never stopped.
I wanted to get into St. Stephen's College, not because it is one of the reputed colleges of India but because my inamorata had graduated from this college. Time passed away I got busy with different things this desire allayed. Only God knows how I got into engineering and today I am preparing for CAT.
Preparations are going on and are at its peak. There is usually no time after college, classes and studies but sometimes the desire to become the next Barkha Dutt impels. The desire to get into
IIMC or Jamia Millia Islamia stimulates. The desire to bring a revolution goads.
I don't want to regret my decision and my life when I become 60 years old. I don't know whether anytime in  life I'll be able to adjudicate or not.
"The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn."  ~David Russell

Paa...

I saw the movie 'Paa' today. Amitabh Bachchan sported a phenomenal look in the movie. He was barely recognizable under mounds of makeup. Kudos to the makeup artists.
The ultimate purpose of any movie is entertainment and a box office hit, but when entertainment is blended with information and awareness about something of which even the learned are sometimes not aware, makes the movie a nonpareil. Same is the case with 'Paa'.
The movie is about a 13 year old, intellgent and witty boy, named Auro, who suffers from an extremely rare disease known as Progeria, which gives children an appearance of accelerated aging. Mentally Auro is 13, but physically he looks 5 times older. Besides, the appearance of Amitabh Bachchan, another thing which impresses are the witty dialogues of Auro. The way he sends her mother away from the school before anyone sees them, runs away at the sight of a cute girl who wants to say something to him and talks about potty in most of his jokes is rib-tickling. Infact, he calls his grandmother 'bumps' because she has a big one :P
Abhishek Bachchan refuses to have the baby and Vidya abandons him, gives birth to Auro and brings him up with the help of her mother. Its too late when he realizes that he has a son but is fortunate enough to hear the magical word 'paa' from the child's mouth just before he takes his last breath. Auro as the main protagonist takes the responsibilty of getting his parents married before his death by making them go 'round and round' his hospital bed with a religious grandma chanting the mantras.'Paa' has been projected as a father-son film but the mother-son relationship was something that touched me. The love and tenderness the mother has for this trudging 'boodha baccha' is stimulating and works far better.
With all the characters being superb, Auro steals the show. His mischeivous eyes and laughter stays with you after coming back home. The little speech of Abhishek Bachchan on media responsibilty was also appreciable and arousing.
It's a tender,simple, moving, and brilliantly written story (the dialogues especially) .
It's worth a trip to the theatre.

SANKALP-YUVA UNSTOPPABLE

PC (Priyanka Chopra) smiles at me showing those pearly-whites on TV , playing smart and saying,"Why should boys have all the fun?"... Well to be true, I feel no one has as much fun as girls these days ;)

We have the world falling on our feet literally... Nopes am not being arrogant... Naah! Naah! I, the girl, am not arrogant. 

We are shining bright and we are sought after.

Advertising industry has taken a complete turn when it comes to portraying women.

I feel so elated to see 'US' shining... We are everywhere, we are CEOs of organizations, we are ruling the film business,we are ruling the health and beauty industry, we are towering people in IT now. OMG, I am so happy for us. 

Men are advised to use AXE, Fairness Creams and what not just to land an impression on their women. ;) The whole perspective is changing gradually. 

Long gone are the days when women used to give in to what came in their way. Now, they demand, they explore and they 'call the shots' too.

Things are changing and I hope they are for good. I feel blessed that my family educated me and will, as long and as much I want to study.
I know there are many who are still caught up in the low-side.
I know we still have a long way to go... but I am glad atleast we have started walking in the right direction. 

Yes, my dear friends, we have started something under 'YUVA UNSTOPPABLE'. Today Jaya, Megha, Poonam (one of our juniors) and I went to a nearby slum, collected few children, talked to their parents and will be teaching them English every Saturday. Isn't it amazing?Four girls, 20 year olds, all on their own, took a step to contribute in a major way to the society for the upliftment of the underprivileged. OMG!!! I am sooo happy. The enthusiasm of the kids and the treatment we received there was exhilirating. We have zeroed in on the name 'SANKALP'. :D  Its not just we four, we have a chapter with a few members and the sankalp, I am sure u know what it is by now.

 

For once, I want to say that women are not all about suppression and pain. We have moved on. We have evolved and We are here to conquer the world. :) Enough of blame games and enough of crying behind the curtains. Optimism wins it all at the end.

Kisi mere jaisi kudi ne kaha hain :
"Bas ek kadam badaaney ki baat hain, raastey khud-ba-khud ban jaatey hain. Manzil par kadi nazar rakhney waaley hi ant mein jeet paatey hain".

Let's Keep Walking!!

beautiful GOA!!!

Goa, the smallest state of India is one of the most beautiful and charming state. It is globally famous for its pristine beaches fringed by coconut trees, beautiful landscapes, azure sky, medieval monuments, forts and churches and mix blend of culture. One visit to this state will surely compel you to come time and again to explore the magnetizing charm of Goa.

 I got a chance to visit this "Pearl of Orient" on the pretext of attending a cultural fest of BITS, Pilani, Goa campus. Nesting in the lap of verdant hills, overlooking the Zuari River, the campus proves itself to be one of the most beautiful campuses of India. The location of campus is unique in respect of scenic beauty and panoramic view of picturesque surrounding encompassing Zuari River, hillocks, waterways, forests and landscape and the students out there were a vanguard. A perfect combination of beauty and brains.

But this post is not about my experience in the campus but my experience in the scintillating combination of sun, surf, sand and sea which makes Goa one of the picture perfect destinations in India.

Visiting Goa is like getting into a big party, where everyone is enjoying life at its best. We also got in the same festive mood.

Our first excursion was to MAJORDA BEACH. This beach is a white sand beach and the first sight of this place was stunning. At 9am there was a perfect silence responding to the humming of the sea, where you can sit engrossed in a book and look up to catch the picturesque scene of the sea but sadly I had no book with me :P :P :P

After spending a wonderful time at Majorda we hired a taxi and left for CALANGUTE/BAGA beach.

Traveling such places on road is a totally different experience. One gets the essence of the state and its culture while on road. One thing which caught my eye was not the greenery, which was abounding, but the houses which were painted in dramatic and startling colours like violet, yellow, blue etc. Thus creating a sensation. They resembled colourful flowers blooming in copious greenery.

We reached the Calangute beach when the sun was sinking in the oblivion. It was beginning to get dark and so we got to see a completely different shade of the sea. One thing I must not forget to mention is that you can bet on the fact that in a day the sea never repeats its appearance.

The atmosphere at Calangute was very different from that at Majorda.  It was crowded with people, children making sand castles, colourful crowds surging towards the sea and the young and old alike lazing on the golden sands. This picture of a perfect tourist haven was completed with shacks and stalls under the shade of palm trees selling everything from fried prawns and beer to bags and clothes to sandals and even trinkets made of seashells.

At night we went to the most popular and happening night club of Goa - TITO'S 

 

"The year was 1971. It was the time of the hippies and the flower power generation. The hippies and other young people from Western Europe and the Americas were searching for Nirvana or Spiritual Salvation and Goa seemed to put them on the right track. The Goans also accepted these peaceful and gentle people whole heartedely. Life in Goa was simple then. No motorbikes, cars and restaurants.It was here and in this environment that Tito Henry de Souza who had traveled extensively decided to settle down and also provide a place for all the expats to meet up.
Today, Tito's is still the place where the world meets up. It is now run by Tito's two sons - Ricardo and David, and boasts of an indoor night club, a multi-cuisine restaurant called "Brass", an outdoor pub, the currently most popular beach pub - "Mambo's" a 24 hour coffee shop and boutique. Tito's is still the place to gather info on the various things happening along the Goan coast."

  Every Night is a Party Night in Club Tito's Goa

  Although we came very late at night and were very tired, we got up early in the morning to go for water sports. Goa is a paradise for water sports lovers. The long coastal area offers wonderful oppurtunites to indulge in all sorts of water-sport activites. The para-sailing and water scooter took our breath away.

PARASAILING was spine-tingling.

 

WATER SCOOTER was DHOOM machale :P

At 12 noon we left for the campus but lost the way as the driver did not know the location of BITS. We had our train at 3:10pm and somehow we managed to reach the campus at 2:45pm. The drive from the college to the station is of half an hour. You can imagine how tensed we were while leaving the paradise. Instead of relishing the last scenes of Goa we were praying to God that we don't miss our train. Our prayers were heard and we reached station just at the right time. As soon as we boarded the train it started. Phew!!!

On our way back in the train we saw the famous Doodhsagar waterfall. Goa is no less than a hill station. The hills and the waterfall were magnificent. We were spellbound. The waterfall takes a steep plunge down in the wooded mountains  and appears to be milky streaks cascading down the mountainside. Believed to be amongst the highest falls in the country, this magnificent fall is located in a blissful tropical jungle with crisscrossing streams. The view from the train was breathtaking.

Like a child joyfully rotating a kaleidoscope and chuckling at the changing patterns, one just gets hooked on to Goa. Beauty can be quite inebriating especially when you are in India and when in Goa, you have so much of it - in the golden sands, the blue waters, the sylvan forests and the lakes.

Almost everyone who visits Goa usually does the normal tourist circuits including one or two beaches and Madgoan or Panajim. But that is not enough. Beauty, they say, is not skin deep. So, when in Goa, you have to put in more days to fully savor the place, the pleasure of discovering a crab under a stone, churches of Old Goa, temples of small villages, and the thrill of walking on some of the best beaches in India full of crisp sea-shells. The mind stops thinking and the heart begins speaking. Such is Goa that you may not have seen. Goa has more than 100 km of coastline and the sea has different shades to offer at various places.

I will again visit the place and cover up what I missed this time. But even a day out there is captivating and memorable.

WORTH IT!!!

Today at 6 am I woke up, startled, by a loud thunder. Quickly I threw the bedsheet, went to the window and saw a horrendous yet a breathtaking beautiful scene. Dark clouds covering the horizon and making the atmosphere a little gloomy but when the downpour started I realized brass tacks.

There’s a day when you realize it is all worth it.

You awake from the dark, dreary shadows of doubt to realize that this life is beautiful and breathtakingly worth it. All of it.

Every single second. minute. hour. day. week. month. year.

Every single friendship. relationship. goodbye. distance. hello. love.

Every single tear. binge. escape. reaction. suppression. smile. regression.

Every single memory. story. joke. trial. mistake. tribulation. lesson.

It doesn’t come in the form of a person, place, or idea. Rather, an elemental eclipse that shakes the soul. An instantaneous shutter that shoots beams of light deep into the pits of the heart. Violet. Navy. Amber. Ivory.

Beams of purpose radiating from the mind. finger tips. ears. stomach. eyes. heart.

A purpose is all you’ve been searching for…and one day it just appears.