Courage is a rare but vital commodity

We are all born courageous, yes we are! When humans come out of the womb of the mother they are filled with courage by default. Logic being, they are coming out from the safety of the womb to an utterly cruel world. The invisible injection injecting this courage is unbiased and every child has equal level of courage at the time of being born. This courage remains at the same level till the child is capable of hearing and understanding the stories that people around them tell. And with this ascends the fears. For every child this fear is unique coming from the precautions their family takes to keep them safe and sound. Some may fear dark, coming from the horror stories of venturing into a dark room. Some may fear old men/women, coming from the spine-chilling stories of that person stuffing you in their huge backpack and taking you to the unknown land. Some may fear animals, coming from the scary stories of them biting and you having an incurable disease or even death.

Then arrives the bed time stories, ironically called fairytales, in which without fail there is an evil queen or a witch or a wicked magician who is out there in the world to destroy the good. And slowly as per individual perception, children start developing fear of different things.

The next vital stage of life, school, has its own horrors. From homework, difficult subjects, heartless teachers, bullies to high expectations of parents, all start constructing a pyramid of fear inside people. Our mind starts racing swiftly to keep ourselves safe from these evils of the world and everyone finds their way of living with these fears.

Slowly growing with fears, the fears growing exponentially within us, we land in the real world. Mostly this is the time when people come out of the safety net of family, are out on their own and trying to prove the purpose of our life (Yes, that’s the perception that we all have a purpose). Life becomes a battle with these fears because now they are your environment, all around you in college, office, with friends and even out in the streets.

Sadly, a lot of us give up to these fears and lead a miserable life or just end it. But that is a different topic.

I have dealt with kids and constantly deal with adults. Kids are braver, still ready to fight courageously, indifferent to the consequences. Adults, somehow, have lost all courage. This is not a generalization. 

We are all like 'Courage the cowardly dog'

We all try to put forth a brave face but inside we know that our world is breaking down. A lot of us wish to do so many different things and we blame the shackles of society. We want to raise our voice against widespread injustice but we keep it to ourselves, cajoling our inner being by the statement “we have better things to do”. A lot of us don’t see any meaning in what we are doing and have far forgotten that purpose which was de facto some years back. We fool ourselves into believing that this is the right way. We get lost in the world of Gucci, Louis Vitton and call it success. We get lost in finding ourselves and call it taking the road less taken. And writing this I feel that either way the world and we are hopeless.

The only way to come out of this hopelessness is to be courageous. To follow what your heart says, to stop following the well drafted directions of the society and make rules of our own.  How many of us can really stand in front of the mirror, be honest to ourselves and say I am living my life my way? (Mind you! this takes courage) Self help books do not help, the only person who can help you is YOU. If ever your heart says I wish I could do this, try your best to do so. If ever your heart says I wish I had done that, its never too late fellows.

One mantra that has so far helped me is that I constantly fast forward my life and think that I don’t want to end up as an old lady, rocking on a rocking chair and telling a neighbour I wish I had known this before or I wish I had done that before. I want to be the heroine of my life and not the victim.

Thanks to the people who ensured our safety when we were toddlers, I am on my feet and still toddling. But it’s fine as long as all are toddlers. We were pushed out of the womb so we have to fight and probably find that umbilical cord that injects the courage in us with which we were born.

“A ship is safe in the harbour, but that’s not what ships are for” – William G.T. Shedd

Why should you read? Coz its not just cerebral.

“...reading has as many functions as the human body, and... not all of them are cerebral.” 

I’ve done a lot of thinking on why people say that they don’t have patience for novels. As someone who is always reading something, has read hundreds of books and refuses to go down in her grave before reading a zillion more, I find this statement intimidating, confusing and discomforting. Earlier, I used to abhor people who would use this statement but my two years in Teach for India have made me empathetic and understanding. I am able to put my feet in shoes of others and try to see where are they coming from.

So after a lot of discussions with non readers, observing them, learning about their way of reading (whatever they’ve read) I’ve been able to craft a reason why people say that they don’t have patience for novels.

Life makes sense only in the real world, in our surroundings and in our day to day actions. When people read novels they read it as the story of someone else, written by someone else. They take reading as a hobby or as an extra curricular activity. My understanding is that it should become an integral part of your life for that particular time.

So drawing lessons from the way I enjoy reading - 

1) I get immersed into the book completely. I perceive the story as that of mine. For me it is not reading a book but living a different life, after all, life is just playing the characters in the script written by the almighty. I read in bed because reading is right in the middle of consciousness and dreaming. You can guess the dreams that I see based on what I am reading.

2)  I love authors who take their time in developing a character, explaining it patiently to the readers. This is the reason I am a fan of classics. It takes time to understand the characters, to slowly fall in love with one of them, to start despising one of them, to feel sorry for one of them, to give up on one of them, to get suspicious about one of them, to feel the anguish of one of them. And after knowing each and every character well, I associate myself with one of them.  

3)  For both the above mentioned things to happen, it is also important to realize that you need to forget that an author named XYZ has written this. It is vital to have the feeling that you are reading your own different life, not pre written but happening as it moves on.  I appreciate authors for their penmanship, for the words that they use and for the beauty with which they describe the most banal things of life. But that’s about it.

4) Why is important. Books are not just stories, characters and plots. Books are invaluable lessons for life. Each book is strengthening your beliefs or questioning your strongheld beliefs. Even fictional books, in very subtle and artistic ways, throw intriguing and speculative thoughts at you. The only way to become wiser with each book read is not to note the intelligent quotes from them but to question and let your mind stir. Every book should change something in you. It can make something in you stronger or just break something strong in tiny bits.

5)  Last but not the least, we are all scared of being alone. We are all scared of leading a boring and not so happening life. We are glued to social media peeking into life of others and wondering that why is our life not as exciting as it seems for others. We are all scared of dying with regrets, of things that we wanted to do, of choices that we wanted to make. Books are an antidote for all these fears. One is never alone when in the company of books. Books transport you to a different land, give you a chance to lead a different life. Pick up any book which will take you to those unexplored areas and live the experience. Grow old without regrets because it might be difficult to decide the course of your life but you can decide the kind of book you want to read.

“In books you travel, not just into other worlds but also into your own”

Read as much as you can because there is no better asset than to read and no better experience than to read. Fall in love not once but everyday, be dramatic not once but everyday. And you will realize that your real world will inflict less pain on you because you will always have the fictional world to go into and enjoy every bit of it. Don’t be a third party observer while reading, take part in the events of the book and you never know in the quest of figuring out a fictional story you might figure out yourself, discover your true identity because we all know that in our mind our own image is bizarre.

“Books are the plane, and the train, and the road. They are the destination, and the journey. They are home.” – Anna Quindlen

-     If even 10 people pick up the habit after reading this, my work is rewarded.

-     If you want help in figuring out good books to read follow this link http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/20-books-that-will-change-your-life/

          Written for a greater cause. XOXO J

All we are is contradiction!

I am a person of contradiction. Actually we all are but here I can just speak for myself. 

I call myself an ambivert. Sometimes I can't be happier than being in the company of a group of people. I face no problems in having conversations and usually come out as a social person. But within a fraction of an hour I feel like running away from that group, find a place that I can call my den, just think about whatever I want to think. I struggle in starting a conversation and despite being taken as a social person, 8 out of 10 times I fail to build a long term friendship/relationship.
This confuses me everytime.
There are days when I just grab my purse and leave the house for nowhere. Usually I end up in a crossword, cuddled in a corner with some random, unheard book. Today in one of these "date with myself" visits I was having a pretty successful date. Read a quarter of "Growing up Bin Laden" and had a juice and munchies. Extremely satisfied with my lone trip I was on my way back when coming down the escalator I saw a man in Gloria Jeans, sitting alone, reading a book. 10 tables around him were occupied and none of the occupants were alone, except him. Three floors down, I couldn't help turning my eyes from him. A zillion of thoughts ran through my mind. The one that struck me was "Oh! Poor man. He is sitting alone. Doesn't he have anyone to give him company?" I was shocked to hear my thoughts! I wanted to reprimand Miss Pankhuri Shrivastava's thoughts. But chose to remind her that she was also alone, reading a book and sipping juice. She has been blessed with good friends but she was doing so by choice.
This surprises me everytime
People choose different things. Sometimes their actions mirror your actions but if you are not wearing that dress at that time you prefer to criticize it. And this makes me think we are so complicated. Everything in the world except humans can be defined by a definition but for humans the definition changes for every different person. A far more complex issue is that even for one person the definition changes every minute.
Sometimes I want life to be simple but at other times I love the complexity.
This amuses me eveytime.
In short, life is all about Confusion, Surprises and Amusement.
At peace for now
:)

How blessed 'THEY' are???

I love India. I love every bit of Indianness in me!!!
I love saree, kurta, choodi and bindi. I love colours. I love festivals : crackers of Diwali, euphoria of Holi, dance of Ganesh Mahotsav, smoke emanating from a burnt Ravan, the 'eidi' of Eid and not to forget the grandeur of Indian weddings!
Yes, I love all this despite the fact that I am an environmental activist, I get irritated by noise pollution and abhor the stupendous amount of money splurged during weddings!
If you know me you will find it difficult to accept that I love 'paan' and more than that I love 'paan ki peek' :P
ohh yess!!! I love spitting the red fluid :P
I am amused by the madness of crowd and entertained by the rib-tickling ads pasted all over the local trains in Mumbai  like "Laabh ki 100% gurantee. Kisi bhi prakar ki pareshani jaisi ki prem vivah, manshahi shaadi, pati ki daru, sautan ka dukh, court mamla, dhanprapti, film me safalta atyadi ke liye miliye baba bam bam ji se !!!(vashikaran me maahir)" ROFL!!!
We are a country of crazy people for sure and we have valid reasons for all the above mentioned craziness...
But there are certain things which beat me and after a lot of contemplation I accept defeat.
The thing that made me write this post is "Why do we think that an eunuch is blessed?" Just because they are different from us?? Why don't we budge even a little and give a penny to a blind beggar but we hurriedly, without fail shower all the change in the purse on a begging eunuch!!!
They are not blind, they are not handicapped, they are not demented. In my opinion they are well capable of working and earning atleast as daily labourer. I don't blame them because they are a largely ignored community. Their rights to work and live a normal life have been violated with impunity. They are spread all over the country but there population is uncertain as there is no provision for this gender in the census form because they neither belong to the male nor the female one.
They've always been projected as a dark and sinister group of people, to be avoided at all costs. There is hardly any empathy and humanity while giving alms to them.They are a close-knit community who appear to care little for social acceptance but looking at some of them going around begging in the local train I wonder "Do they not get hurt when people make fun of them or laugh at them because God made them the way they are? Do they not wish to participate in elections, be members of parliament, be a part of other decision making bodies of the country? Do they not desire to express themselves on various platforms? Will they not love to be educated, develop themselves and live the way other communities live in our society?"
If we think they are blessed then are they not blessed enough to deserve these common rights???

ROSE AND PANKHURI

I saw a very rosy dream

Not about you not about me

But a dream in which a rose tells me

 “you are a rose, I believe, please justify your rosy name for me?”

Sitting in a room with roses all around

Red, pink, yellow and white

I think how to justify the name 

How to win this rosy little game?

“Let’s write a poem full of roses,

A poem where each sentence smells of roses.”

The red rose raised a brow,

And I started the rosy little work…

What a rosy fragrance is in a rose since its very birth
Undoubtedly it is one of the most beautiful flowers on Earth
Thinking more the realization dawned that a rose is a rose is a rose

What more could I have said about a rose?

A red rose symbolizes passion and love

A white rose soothes with the peace of dove

A yellow love whispers friendship and concern

But a black rose is unlikely to return!

Reading my rosy little poem

I find a rosy way to beat boredom!

Then I see in my dream the poem reaching the press

And Miss Pankhuri bowing down gracefully, with her cheeks full of rosiness!

The child in me!!!

Some think I am cute
Some find me sweet
Some say I am kind
But I confess, I don't know myself...

Of all I know and what I feel
Is that there is a child in me

A child who likes to play all day
A child who wants to make your day
A child who likes to fly kites
A child who loves to run after butterflies

Of all I know and what I feel
Is that there is a child in me

A child who loves to sing to you
A child who loves to dance infront of you
A child who wants to be a part of your happiness
A child who wants to rip away your sadness

Of all I know and what I feel
Is that there is a child in me

A child who dreams all day long
A child who prays to Almighty God
A child who wants to shine like a star
A child who wants to be like sunshine

Of all I know and what I feel
Is that there is a child in me

A child who loves to look at sky for hours
A child who loves to make mud castles
A child who loves to stare at sparrows
A child who loves to play with doves on the window sill

Of all I know and what I feel
Is that there is a child in me

A child who wants to learn all alphabets again
A for apple B for ball C for cat and D for doll
A child who loves the green of the grass
A child who loves the smell of the wet land

Of all I know and what I feel
Is that there is a child in me

A child who wonders and wonders and wonders a lot
A child who observes how the eyes blink when you speak
A child who probably knows nothing at all
Except that life is much more beautiful than what we think

Of all I know and what I feel
Is that there is REALLY a child in me!!!

Teach for India calls...

My cousin tells me to fill a form....
I fill it...
It was an interesting form. It was like writing my autobiography. I had fun filling my details but it was not 'all play and no work'. There was work and the work was, in one word, TEDIOUS!!!
I had to write few essays - essays on educational inequity, one biggest thing I've accomplished, how did I accomplish it, what obstacles did I face, why do I want to join this organization etc etc...
I wrote the two of them and could not save it :( I wrote them again and somehow the computer stopped working. Obviously, the essays were not saved. Then I thought I'll write them afterwards.
My cousin decided to tie the knot on 26th January and we decided to attend the ceremony and leave on 23rd January for Bangalore. Note :- 23rd January was the last date to submit the filled form.
We got busy with planning, packing, persuading my bua and fufaji to accompany us to Bangalore and a few more trivial things. In short I did not get time to write the essays and submit the form.
Now we move to 23rd evening when I am reminded by my cousin to fill the form and I sit down at 10 pm to write the essays and submit it before the stroke of midnight. Thankfully, I am able to submit it before 12.
Off to Bangalore.
A very nice wedding and we enjoyed a lot.
Back from Bangalore.
One fine day, I get an email in my inbox. The mail goes like this :

Dear Applicant,

Congratulations! It is with pleasure that I invite you to participate in an in-person Assessment Centre with Teach For India.  We look forward to this opportunity to learn more about you and your interest in our program. .........

My cousin had also filled the form and she also got shortlisted for the day long assessment to become a fellow of Teach for India. Before I share with you the very different experience of the assessment, I would like  to tell you about Teach for India.

Teach for India is a nationwide movement of outstanding college graduates and young professionals who will commit two years to teach full-time in under resourced schools and who will become lifelong leaders working from within various sectors toward the pursuit of equity in education. For more details visit : http://www.teachforindia.org

Coming to my personal experience. We (I and my cousin) reached at 7:45am. There were few people so we had breakfast which we had carried with us. The assessment began after sometime. We were divided into groups and there was a group incharge for each group. Our group incharge was Kayt Norris from Quincy, Illionis. She is the program manager in Pune. I liked her instantly. She was very dynamic, gave very cute expressions and I liked her style. 

It started with introduction and after the introduction we had to tell one thing which we'll carry if we are going to a deserted island. Some people said food packets, some said mineral water, some said a flint!!!! and some said CELL PHONE!!!!! LOL!!!! I said I'll catch hold of my best friend and take her with me :P 

There were people from different backgrounds. Some were studying, some were working and some were jobless. It was fun to know people other than engineers :)

Then began the written round. Moderate questions related to the data that teachers handle were asked. This was Data interpretation but very different to what I used to do when I was preparing for CAT. The next round was GD and I must say an actual GD is very different from a mock GD. Even if you are a speaker, even if you have a loud voice, even if you know what should you say it is next to impossible to speak in a GD where people of almost same IQ level are sitting together. It was a fish market but somehow i managed to speak a sentence or so :P

After this began the most interesting part of the assessment. All the candidates were told to come prepared with a five minute teaching session. Any topic from grade 1 to grade 5 had to be chosen and had to be taught to fellow candidates like they were real students. I chose adjectives. Choosing English was obvious because it is my favourite subject and choosing adjectives was wise because a class of adjectives can be very interesting.    To make my class an interactive one I got coloured print outs of fat and thin man, tall and short man, clean and dirty pig, empty and full glass. I showed them to the class and used visual power to make my students understand the words well. It was a success (atleast among adult children :P). 

After all these rounds candidates had to be shortlisted for final interview. I was shortlisted :D :D but unfortunately two people from our group of 8 were not. Before the interview, there was a role play round where the interviewer plays the part of the principal of the school and I play the part of a teacher. The situation given to me was that I am teaching 3rd grade and the other 3rd standard teacher is transferred. I am told to take her class in addition to my own ( a total of 90 students) but the situation will be resolved soon. After 3 weeks, a new teacher has not come, and I am still teaching 90 students. I feel that I am not able to provide instruction to all students. as all my efforts go into ensuring good behaviour. My aim was to convince the principal to hire another 3rd standard teacher immediately. Now this was very interesting. It was very spontaneous, convincing, intelligent and it should not display that I am unable to control the class. Kayt was very difficult to convince but fianlly after a 5 minute discussion I was able to wonderfully convince her. :)

Then the interview began and speaking only about yourself for 45 minutes is a task. But I spoke a lot (surprisingly). I enjoyed telling her about myself (deeply). I forgot all that I had thought I would say and would not say (unknowingly). So I just told her who Pankhuri Shrivastava is and enjoyed it remarkably :D

One week after I get another email in my inbox. The mail goes like this :

Dear Prospective 2011 Teach For India Fellow,

It is our great pleasure to offer you admission to the 2011 Teach For India Fellowship. We are inspired by your past achievements, drive, and commitment to educational equity, and believe that you are ready for the challenge of teaching and leading for two years in an under-resourced school.

Congratulations on your acceptance into this selective Fellowship, offered to less than 10% of our applicants—an acceptance rate that is at par with leading institutions like Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government, The Wharton School of Business and INSEAD.  This makes you one of the top leaders in the quest for educational equity for the nation.

Current Teach for India Fellows studied at the most prestigious colleges in India, such as IIT-Kanpur, St. Xavier’s College, Mumbai, Shri Ram College of Commerce, New Delhi and National Law School, Bangalore, and worked for the most sought-after corporations in the world, such as Bajaj Industries, Ernst & Young, and Goldman Sachs.  You comprise a diverse group of men and women, professionals and students. Despite being from a variety of educational and professional backgrounds, you are bound together by your unwavering dedication to solve India’s educational crisis, one child and one classroom at a time.

Leading companies such as Tata Power and ICICI Prudential have demonstrated their tremendous support for Teach For India by offering their employees a 2-year sabbatical to join our program.  In addition, companies such as Goldman Sachs, Bain Capital, and McKinsey recruit our Fellows for full-time jobs after their time in the Fellowship.

I am very happy I must say. I am glad to have been selected. My cousin also got into it :D It was a nice experience where I met some very interesting people and I hope the fellowship will be a wonderful chapter in my very capricious life. 

.